I don’t speak a lot of Spanish. I mean, I can, but my accent is appalling. JESSE has the better accent of the two of us and I started life speaking Spanish only first. In America today English is a MUST and Spanish is useful. I know that I would like any future children I may have to speak Spanish for their own benefit, but see things working out with my kids like they did with me. Growing up in a English first household means you don’t practice, means you don’t retain, means you don’t speak Spanish well. There is one word I’ve found in Spanish though that I cannot get rid of and I will most definitely impart on my kids: Mande!?

Mande is what I was taught to always respond to someone who’s calling you. it’s a sign of respect. It is the proper greeting when being called up, not called on the phone. If someone were to call my name, generally, I would say, “Yes?” However this can be taken incorrectly and in Spanish, just saying “Si?” is not very polite. It’s not IMpolite mind you, but not super polite either.

The reason I want my kids to carry on this tradition is I want them to have a healthy dose of “This is the line, you do not cross it.” Now, I know that sounds silly coming from me as I am one to often find the line and step over it, trying to determine if you’ll move it a little further or smack me for going too far. Even I know that I should mind myself in certain settings and in front of certain people.

So in a few years, my kids will probably not have the same accent as I do when saying the word “tortilla” or forget the word for counter top in English, but they will say, “Mande?” every time I call them. I hope they learn more. I hope they become fluent, I hope they utilize Spanish more than I ever have, but I know that even if I’m not teaching them a language, I’m still teaching them manners.

I haven’t done many great feats in my life. I have no kids, no real awards to speak of and nothing but Ernie-isms are named after me. Today, however, that’s all in the past. Today I did something that I’m going to be proud of for years. Today, I blocked a government vehicle from cutting me off!

Here’s what happened: I was trying to get on the freeway like everyone leaving the area I work at 5PM, waiting in a long line of cars that was barely moving fast enough to clear an intersection. I was in the far right lane since my car has no power and I don’t like to pull too crazy a move at that hour. There were a few vehicles that put on their turn signal and waited in the lane next to me, holding up traffic, that I let in. The closer we all got to the freeway, the crazier these people became. Having a small car with a short stopping distance, I stayed fairly close to the cars in front of me. All of a sudden, while my lane is stopped, a white van pulls up almost next to me and just leans into my lane. Since we were not moving the van couldn’t lean far, but since it was holding up traffic in its’ own lane, the car wanted to show it’s intent. I moved forward. The van moved forward, that’s when I noticed the eagle on the side of the van with the words “HOMELAND SECURITY” written on the side.

Quickly, I evaluated my choices. I could A) Block the van, get pulled over and arrested for obstructing an officer in the line of his duty. B) Block the van, get questioned and say he was making an illegal lane change which would be very clear to the witnesses behind me, especially since the van didn’t have a signal light on. C) Let the van in. I blocked the van, awaiting my fate. The van upped the ante by turning on the red and blues. Now I really thought I was in trouble. Then, seeing that traffic wasn’t moving and I was being a dick, the van jumped back into its’ own lane, cut off a car two ahead of me and sped off. I had a quick moment where I was scared when I turned the corner and the van was next to a police car and a car that had been pulled over. However, when the van noticed the cop car, the lights stopped flashing for a false alarm and the van continued toward the freeway.

I may have to pay taxes, I may have to obey the laws, I may have to get pulled over driving a shitty car in a nice neighborhood (not my own) but I’ll be damned if you cut MY car off for no good fucking reason Uncle Sam! Not this citizen! Not today!!!!

I am the first guy to admit he has a crappy car…well, carS really. My Camaro is nice and beefy with pieces falling off and rusting out. My CRX is made to be a daily driver because it has no pick up, everything’s falling off and it overheats way too easily. Nevertheless, there is at least SOME pride in my cars, and nothing gives you pride in what you have, as seeing someone who has it worse.

Taco Bell is probably the fastest fast food chain out there. I mean I could probably leave my car in neutral and go through the drive-thru in the time it takes somebody to go inside, order, pay and get their food. I was at a Taco Bell recently when a man had a car that was so crappy, not only was it billowing out smoke, he had to turn it off to keep it cool.

Come on man, really!? He had to turn off his car to keep it cool. Now I’ve had to pull over to cool my car down so I can somewhat relate to this man. The problem I really have is this guy decided to use the drive-thru during the day instead of parking his car and getting food. Now I can’t speculate on what he got or who he shared it with, but he was the only one in the car, he only got one giant sized soda and two bags worth of food totaling somewhere about $15. That’s crazy money at a Taco Bell.

So to the man in a ’79 green Mercury, here’s hoping you’re slowly getting your shit together, and you didn’t pay for that meal with an EBT card.

Tell us what you think about this. For it? Against it? Does it matter if you’re a guy or girl looking at it? #EJTalkback and let us know.