Honesty Is MY Policy, but…

Despite how easy I make it look there is SOME art to what I do. I’m talking specifically about my honesty. I am too honest with a lot of people but fortunately for me, I don’t care. I don’t want to sound like one of those after-school specials we all watched where Cory tells Topanga the truth and everything works out for them. Sometimes you have to know who you can tell the truth to. The best truths are the ones where people get bruised but not cut. If you, for example, tell your girlfriend you love her cooking just to make her feel better, then guess who’s eating burnt brisket for life? However, most guys are trained by society to tell her she does everything perfectly to avoid a fight. So you can suffer through more meals with her, “Since you liked the last one SO much!” You can tell her the truth, the way we’re all taught with a few years of wisdom to do it where it’s more of a half truth, “Honey, I love that you TRY, we should sign up for a cooking class together.” Or you can try the dangerous waters I live in of being blunt, “Not your best effort darling, but it’s alright, it’s not like I need my woman to have dinner on the table every night.”

The most important thing to remember when being Blunt Like Me (If you get that joke #EJTalkBack for 10pts) is to ALWAYS be blunt. You can’t be blunt some of the time and worry about feelings the other times. It’s like fire, if you never get near it, touching it for a second can burn; but if you’re subjected to it in small doses over and over again, eventually you can do that trick where you don’t use tongs to turn the meat on the grill. Another important tip is you have to be blunt with EVERYONE. It’s just easier this way. Now of course things like the work and your parents will have different circumstances, but if you’re blunt with your friends and your significant other, everyone understands what you expect of them. The only way to get away with saying these kinds of things to your significant other and NOT your friends is to tell that one special someone, “I’m glad I can be completely honest with YOU.” I do not advise this route as 1) Your friends could probably use a few truthful words and 2) You look horrible to your better half if they realize you are basically just talking shit to only them.

Being honest has a whole lot of benefits. I have a girlfriend who knows who I am and even my possibly bad behavior has become acceptable because it’s in the introductory packet. I also have friends who constantly go to me for advice, they know I won’t tell them what they want to hear just because they want to hear it. It actually makes the compliments all the more meaningful because they know it’s genuine. Lastly, strangers. You may be thinking, “Why would YOU care about what people who don’t know you think?” Well it’s because though most of their opinions (how good a person you are, how intelligent you are, how wealthy you are) are not important, whether or not to fear/respect someone is an important thing people gauge in the first few seconds of meeting you. If your first encounter with them is you loudly saying excuse me to get you out of the way, they’ll know not to interact with you.

Being honest is great, but be aware: there are some drawbacks. If you, let’s say…are honest to fault with one of your friends while they’re with someone new, someone who isn’t “used to you” yet, you come off looking like a dick. Also, if your mate is telling stories about you, you come off looking like a dick. Lastly, if you say, “EXCUSE ME!” really loud to someone who doesn’t realize they’re blocking a grocery isle with their shopping kart, you…you get the idea. You have to be prepared to not be liked by everyone. You will get things your way all the time, but usually only from the people who choose to stay around you. I’ve made my decision to look like a dick. I can safely say that there are people who I’ve met who could have been good to have around , but I decided not putting up with them was worth more than they could give me. Now you know, and you can make the decision. Oh and if you think I’m a dick but read this whole article, seek psychiatric help, dick.