I haven’t done many great feats in my life. I have no kids, no real awards to speak of and nothing but Ernie-isms are named after me. Today, however, that’s all in the past. Today I did something that I’m going to be proud of for years. Today, I blocked a government vehicle from cutting me off!

Here’s what happened: I was trying to get on the freeway like everyone leaving the area I work at 5PM, waiting in a long line of cars that was barely moving fast enough to clear an intersection. I was in the far right lane since my car has no power and I don’t like to pull too crazy a move at that hour. There were a few vehicles that put on their turn signal and waited in the lane next to me, holding up traffic, that I let in. The closer we all got to the freeway, the crazier these people became. Having a small car with a short stopping distance, I stayed fairly close to the cars in front of me. All of a sudden, while my lane is stopped, a white van pulls up almost next to me and just leans into my lane. Since we were not moving the van couldn’t lean far, but since it was holding up traffic in its’ own lane, the car wanted to show it’s intent. I moved forward. The van moved forward, that’s when I noticed the eagle on the side of the van with the words “HOMELAND SECURITY” written on the side.

Quickly, I evaluated my choices. I could A) Block the van, get pulled over and arrested for obstructing an officer in the line of his duty. B) Block the van, get questioned and say he was making an illegal lane change which would be very clear to the witnesses behind me, especially since the van didn’t have a signal light on. C) Let the van in. I blocked the van, awaiting my fate. The van upped the ante by turning on the red and blues. Now I really thought I was in trouble. Then, seeing that traffic wasn’t moving and I was being a dick, the van jumped back into its’ own lane, cut off a car two ahead of me and sped off. I had a quick moment where I was scared when I turned the corner and the van was next to a police car and a car that had been pulled over. However, when the van noticed the cop car, the lights stopped flashing for a false alarm and the van continued toward the freeway.

I may have to pay taxes, I may have to obey the laws, I may have to get pulled over driving a shitty car in a nice neighborhood (not my own) but I’ll be damned if you cut MY car off for no good fucking reason Uncle Sam! Not this citizen! Not today!!!!