Fight Against Terrible Parking

Today I discovered a new more satisfying, and less illegal, way to get back at people who park way too far over the line. This is a problem especially in any parking lot where the spaces are labeled compact. I personally like to park my car in these tiny spaces because I can fit since my car is not wide and I hope these people come back to their cars to find their plan ruined.

The original method for my revenge was to just park next to them and open my door with as much force as I could. I don’t drive a nice car and I have never had a new paint job, but you can be sure that I’ve parked next to my share of Mercedes that DID have perfect paint. The problem with this method is that every door comes with that little rubber or metal guard now which makes it near impossible to “accidentally” ding someone’s car.

The next method was…well, for lack of a better word, “Vandalism”. Now don’t get me wrong, when someone carves their gang into a toilet seat or leaves their bands sticker in the hallway at the movies I don’t condone that. BUT if a new escalade decided he was going to give himself plenty of room to get out but nearly swipe your mirror off, well then I have on occasion written my initials in someone’s car or scratched a long line. The downside here? What being illegal wasn’t enough for you!?!?

The newest method is the least likely to get you in trouble. This is my catch and release trap for assholes. Another problem with the above methods is I don’t know if they work. If the person gets back to their car after I leave, they don’t know I parked too close. If the person doesn’t go to the passenger side of their car and doesn’t see a scratch for months, I won’t get credit. That’s why my new plan is designed to affect a driver as soon as they go to pull out of their parking space. I push their mirror in on the top left corner! This way the person sees something is wrong with their car right away. If we all band together and do this often enough, we can end asshole parking in our lifetime. So join me! Push those mirrors in! And don’t stop until they’re looking at the sky above your car!!