It seems about once or twice a year the news comes on and tells you something is bad for you, then good for you; cause you nothing but trouble, cause you immense joy. The most frequent ones have been seen so many times it’s almost a joke now. There’s no more mention of how coffee is terrible for you but also will be the only thing that helps you lose weight and live forever. There’s no more stories about gas prices getting to the point where it costs people their lives, and that new efforts by the government are bringing the price down. Wine will destroy your liver, it will clean your heart. Most of the time I don’t care too much about it, but now they’ve gone too far. Now they’re recommending women stop wearing bras!!

I have no idea what it feels like to wear a bra, and though my chesticles are larger than a lot of my friends with A cups, I’m not going to find out anytime soon. It seems horrible. The big boobed girls complain that there aren’t bras big enough to hold them in, the straps hurt if you wear it too long and the bottom pushes into your skin. The girls who belong to the itty bitty titty committee complain that it’s uncomfortable, the padding shows hardcore on certain shirts and most often from this group I hear, “It’s not even necessary.”

Well, there are some scientists that say you’re right. They have conducted a study (that I want to be a part of) that says women who don’t wear a bra “strengthen the muscles around the breast to better hold them up.” They say it’s not an option for the legal aged ladies but if you start early, you can be free and have them stay up top. HORSE-SHIT! Let’s say we truly believe you skeevy scientist who obviously wasn’t just a nympho who got caught with his assistant and lied to his wife “uh…it’s an experiment honey!!”

If going without a bra worked, I would have had a MUCH better time looking at those “African Life” issues of National Geographic. There was no intense study needed for this. We can look back at how women’s breasts used to be before bras were invented, or look at regions of the world that still don’t use them. I’m not saying, “Every woman needs to wear a bra at all times!” but if you don’t, you can’t complain about the sag, and what do we associate sag with? Age. So look older with comfortable shoulders. Those big O’titties will still be there to cause your back pain. Oh, and as for you A cups that think you can go forever without wearing a bra, it just takes you longer. Look at an A cup woman in her 50′s who still must go braless. I didn’t know pancake batter could stretch that far.