Emergency

As I write this I think the most important thing for you to know is that I am safe!

My family upgraded today to wireless cable boxes so that my brother can finally have cable in his room without having to have someone come in and install anything. The problem that they did not foresee, is that if we each have our phones on wifi, the Xbox on wifi, our laptops on wifi and now two boxes on wifi, we might not get a great signal. Furthermore, we might mess something up and be left where you find me today…in a land of no wifi.

How does one live like this!?! How do we pass the time when every time I try to watch something on Netflix it stops in the middle like some pitiful YouTube video on 3G. I was worried about my connection speed if I played running with friends. There would be so much lag…so much lag. My porn would take forever to load that I may become desperate enough to be one of those fools who downloads porn just to have it in dire times. Or worse, pull out an old DVD and use that. What a disgrace. No, instead I’ll just read some news articles on yahoo until I find a story or video worth putting on www.ERNIEandJESSE.com But wait, what’s this!? Cannot connect to Internet!?!? Please restart your modem? But I did! I pressed the button and when that didn’t work I unplugged it, waited 30 seconds and plugged it back in. Still…nothing.

What will I do if I lose one of my shows off the DVR!?! What good is a laptop without the Internet!? How can I participate in a team death match when I cannot even scroll through my Facebook feed while taking a dump.

Why!? Why have you forsaken me AT&T!?

I guess I’ll go now, I have to save my 3G usage lest I become one of those savages, less than men, who’s provider slows them down for exceeding 2Gigs. I’ll just sleep till this problem gets resolved. Drift off to sleep by listening to a podcast, just download and…oh, wait, NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!