Thank You

I just wanted to say a big THANK YOU to every failed relationship, date or even signal thrown my way. I am happy to be with Daisy now, and you are a big part of that. You taught me what to avoid, what I am good at and what to notice in a relationship. So THANK YOU TO:

The girl who kissed me in class…but I didn’t realize liked me. My bad.

The girl who wanted to go swimming with me and asked if I could see through her bikini and wanted me to notice how perfect a heart shape her ass made…finding out the history of that symbol was NOT what you had in mind.

The girl who wanted to use me to rest on the bus, I am not as comfy as I thought (physically).

The girl who wrote me those letters…saying I love you that many times should have been a hint.

The girl who couldn’t get over the fact that i was indeed related to my brother, our one date has a catch phrase and I’m glad there wasn’t a second.

The religious girl who kissed me and talked about where she would like to go next time. God judges your lies as much as you think he judges my beliefs you found out about in the first 5 min of our date.

The girl who couldn’t date yet because of her parents. You can’t tell a guy you wish it was him you were dating and then disappear. Not cool!

The girl who took my leftovers. I think I would live a much more chaotic and worse life if you would have kept that second date. I just want an order of lasagna and we’re cool.

The girl who told me too late she had always wanted to be with me. WTF do you expect me to do about it after you’re with someone?! Now I am with someone and you have to suffer knowing how well it’s going.

The girl who cheated on me. I still brag about how I handled that. I’m sorry he wasn’t worth it, but that was your choice.

The girl who was only in town for a bit. You could have stayed, or at least stayed in touch, but I’m better off since you didn’t.

The girl who said no because I wasn’t a rich black guy…How’s that going for you? hahahaha

The girl who wanted to make the hook up mean much more. Be honest from the beginning and you won’t get hurt like that again.

The long distance girl. You had to have known our stubbornness would lead to this.

The girl who wanted me to move. I need job security or relationship security. “Kind of seeing each other or whatever” is not a reason for me to move.

The girl who thought I didn’t fit in. You liked me because I wasn’t like the people you knew. Do you see the irony?

The girl who let it go further than it should have and didn’t know what she wanted. Figure out who you want BEFORE pants come off.

The girl at the party. This one’s on me. I was drunk, stupid and loud. I don’t blame you for not calling me.

The girl who’s dad wished it was me that knocked her up. THANK GOD IT WASN’T ME!!