Halloween 2

There’s a reason I want there to be a Halloween 2. It’s more fun that way. Valentine’s day is a very stupid holiday. I can say that both now, when I had just begun a relationship and when I was single Valentine’s day sucked. The only time it was great was when I was a kid. I guess it’s that way for everybody. Sure Halloween is great for adults a little bit (I’m so grateful for the “Slutty _______” cosutomes), but it’s still primarily for the kids. The candy, the costumes the decorations…for kids

Valentine’s day is for kids too, but more specific to a certain age group. Halloween you go from getting free candy by saying 3 words and never having to say please. Then you get the awkward, “can’t trick or treat, can’t go party” phase, which for me was about 13, but then you have friends and you find somewhere to go or some trouble to get into. Mischief is almost expected of kids that age. This is right in the middle of that sweet spot of creativity. You learn while tick or treating that the cooler your costume, the better your haul. Then you just do it to be gruesome or cool, then it translates into girls looking at you. I didn’t spend too much time in a crazy cool costume because I realized that being able to pee, eat and drink (let alone any OTHER more adult activities) make the night much more enjoyable than people guessing who is under that costume or hearing the other kids’ amazement. You finally arrive at the years when the costume you wear is not as important as the costumes the girls are wearing until it slowly drifts into either taking your kids out or not wanting to drive through the crazies, drunkards and tiny lawsuits walking the streets.

Valentine’s sweet spot can’t start until you’re in school. When everyone gets something from each member of the class and you collectively judge the kids who’s parents didn’t include candy. There was also a twinge of jealousy for me when there were those kids who’s parents went the extra step to make chocolate covered strawberries or baked goods. Eventually you go into the state where there are specific people you want to give cards to, as though that girl who was the first in your class to get boobs would let you touch them because you got her the right card. Then there is the lull. The point where you’re not gonna get your ENTIRE class cards and you have no idea who most of them are. You’re “lucky” if you’re with someone, but as a guy, I was just expected to deliver. Valentine’s Day when you’re young and dating is like a yearly engagement to the person you’re dating, everyone wants to know the story and see the harvest. Then we get to the point I am at now, the point where I have to hear about it. This is the point I hate.

I have two types of people on Valentine’s day that are VERY vocal. There are the people who use this as an excuse to do something crazy romantic, as though doing something romantic on the same day as everyone else somehow heightens it. “Look honey! I got you flowers, from the same place your coworker and friend got you flowers! I also made a reservation at that place you like! You know the one that everyone likes. The one that will have 17 other girls holding the same dozen roses in our way as we walk through the door to what I hope is a reservation and not an excuse for a host to “accidentally” give away your table with an extra $40 in his pocket.”

Then there are the single cheerleaders. You know, the people who make a HUGE DEAL about how Valentine’s day is not a huge deal to them and they don’t care about not having a date. They will make it through with a night out! They will NOT make this “arbitrary day” day special by going on a date! They will just make sure it is more special than most of their other nights. The best part about these people is you usually get a time bomb. One that pays off in two years when they’re with someone who takes them out on Vday and gets them “the cutest teddy bear!!”

Now, Halloween 2! THAT’s a special day! This would be a day for love and affection sure. However, this day would involve little kids getting candy by saying, “Will you be mine?” This will have romantic costumes or legendary love related costumes where every newborn will be dressed as cupid and every lazy hipster will say they’re the dude from The Notebook (I don’t know his name, it’s too mainstream). This would lead to teenagers who don’t want to ask someone to be their Valentine to do something nice for their parents or a loved one. Eventually it will lead to that stage where you’re grateful the hot chick in class dressed as “Slutty Aphrodite”. Lastly, it will end up at a place where you either help your kids celebrate or do on Halloween 2 what I do with my wife on Halloween 1 or Valentine’s Day…Not a damn thing! There are too many people out anyway. Let’s stay in and watch seasonally appropriate movies online.