“You were right.” They’re three simple words but I absolutely love them. It’s not that I take joy in other people’s pain. I am just an intelligent guy who is observant. I was recently walking with my girlfriend and her brother. I knew three people take up a lot of space on a path and saw a man to the left of us struggling to teach his daughter to ride her first bike. To our right was a woman with the determined face you only see on a jogger or someone taking a dumb who doesn’t get enough fiber (No, I don’t know why you’re watching someone shit. YOU’RE the weirdo, not me!!). The woman was going fastest, we were at a normal walking pace and the man was holding the bike while his daughter struggled with the concept of balance. I knew how long it would take for all of our paths to cross and that it would all be at the same time. If the man was 4′ back I could have easily had the group take a step to the left to clear the jogger and a right to clear the man, but as it was, we were going to crash. The next thing I noticed was my girlfriend’s brother was just barely ahead of me. So I grabbed his jacket and put him in front of me like a human shield while we passed them all. My gf’s brother was shocked and confused that I grabbed him until I explained why. Then he was just impressed that I did it.

That’s just the most recent story. The most common story for me is when I tell a female friend of mine, “No, that guy isn’t just being cool! He wants to bone you.” In this case I often get a “You were right about that guy!” or a “How did you know!?” It’s all about trajectory. Hopefully most people can see the pattern on where things are going to go and adjust accordingly. Now I grant you, there are situations where that runner could have decided she was tired, or the guy could have seen he was in the way and gotten off the path, or that male friend…nah, that guy always wants to plow the girl, BUT STILL, the point remains, trajectory.

I think the joy I get from hearing those words comes from the fact that I feel I am smart, and just like a girl who is pretty, I never get tired of hearing that I am. There is a slight distinction though; if I hear, “You’re really smart.” I feel self conscious and awkward. It’s a compliment I’m not used to. I do however love to hear, “You were right.” in EVERY form. Whether it’s something I said on the show that people agree with, someone saying it in anger or someone saying it as thanks. It’s a phrase that’s great to hear and often hard for people to say. People think it reflects negatively on them to say I was right, but the truth is, as long as you listen to me next time, you have nothing to feel bad about.

Spoiler alert! If you haven’t watched this season of The Walking Dead you either don’t watch the show or your assed out because I’m going to make some slight references. See I always had a zombie apocalypse plan. Several actually! I have different scenarios depending on how the disease is spread or certain possible limitations. Where the disease comes from, can they run, is it airborne etc. Recently however The Walking Dead has introduced an idea that I had not previously thought about. What happens when someone else is as good of a leader as I am? Oh, you didn’t realize MY zombie apocalypse plan involved ME leading? Well, duh!

See the way it breaks down is like this; I have one friend who’s very military minded and somewhat of a survivalist. He will lead our group, no questions asked, until we are settled. Once settled we will switch and I lead the group, he will just be in charge of the military. This may seem a little different than most plans, but I know I’m not a great strategist and he knows he cannot handle the moral upbringing of a society and judgment on who stays and who goes. The idea is that once we have a secure location, enough food, water and shelter we can begin to rebuild. Basically if you’re following the show, he would be in charge in Rick’s case and I would be in charge in Woodbury.
When you have a safe society you can start doing things to give people a sense of normalcy and home just like the governor did with having festivities. However, if you have a military minded person their festivities would be training exercises. Also there would be a very harsh attitude that people may rebel against. When you give people order and a loose set of rules to govern themselves by you get an easier society for the most part. Any newcomers into that society would have to conform to those rules and live amongst those people. In my specific plan, those people are brought to me where I talk to them until I have determined that they would be good for our community and join us or they will be sent walking…possibly killed.

The new idea sparked now is what happens when someone else has that same policy? Do I meet with their leader? Should an entire group be judged on their mouthpiece? I couldn’t possibly let some in and not others. I would have revolt on my hands. I don’t want to start a war and reject a whole group of people, but if they can’t come in… I would also be afraid of these people knowing where we live and having the ability to take what’s ours. I also would want to share what’s theirs. I could try to cohabitate, but I would be worried and wonder if they were plotting against me. I would also wonder if the nice attitude was all an act. I guess this is one of those things I’ll have to figure out when/if I get there, but hopefully the story will end well for me.

It’s raining as I write this. I was driving to the store to pick up a few things and I saw a woman with a stroller. She had a thick fleece blanket over the stroller to cover the child from the rain but was walking around with her head uncovered. I took pity on this woman. I was driving my mom’s car with a car seat in it and thought to myself, “It might be weird, she might say no, but I should be a good person and offer her a ride to help shield her from the rain. As I got closer I noticed that she did indeed have a jacket with a hood. This puzzled me for a second, until I realized the reason she wasn’t wearing the hood. She had just gotted her hur did, she didn’t want no hood covering those newly pressed bangs.

I got a little saddened by this and walked into the store. I was just picking up the cheapest loaf of bread I could get. As I walked up to the door a guy was walking along the curb towards the store too. He seemed angry as he threw a shopping cart to the side and hacked some mucus onto the sidewalk uncomfortably close to me. He spoke to me, “Yo man, you got some chain?” People like this are the reason that even if I’m not listening to anything. I will still wear my headphones, so I always have the excuse that I didn’t hear them.

Finally I went inside to get some bread and I got in line behind a family with GIANT shopping cart full of food. There was only one customer but only one line so I’m stuck in the only possible position I can find. Secretly judging their purchases. Buying prepackaged chicken strips, dinners and a couple bottles of soda along with a bunch of other crap and nary a veggie in sight doesn’t bother me. What does bother me is as the cashier is almost done with the order the question is asked, “Y’all take EBT righ?” I still wish certain foods were unavailable on EBT. We care so much about the “obesity epidemic” and restaurants offering people “healthy options” but when it comes to being able to limit a person’s choices to only the healthy stuff, that’s a step too far. Thankfully just as I had an ass full of the world a manager saw me waiting in line and opened up another register to take my 99cents for some bread. So thanks Estevan, for opening up and getting me out of there.

We don’t cover music too Much here on ERNIEandJESSE unless it has some sort of impact on society. Well I hope that Macklemore does. I mean the music sounds great and I think it’s popular enough where JESSE’s already heard it and loved it and started to get over it. It’s also funny enough to where I like it. More than that though, it will hopefully spawn a group of people who follow trends and waste money buying something because they saw it in a video and now “must have it” no matter how uncomfortable skinny jeans are, to go get some thrift shop clothes.

I do always love it when songs are funny and/or have a positive message for the community. Now I’m not one to get down on songs that refer to women as “females” or “bitches” when there are a lot of bitches that scream for the song when it comes on. I also don’t feel bad for the woman who’s being “degraded” in the video. If someone argues that you shouldn’t show off a woman like that in a video they’re basically saying, “She’s too stupid to know what she’s doing and I am much smarter.” Trust me, if I could make a few grand for shaking my ass or just sitting by a pool in a swimsuit, CHA CHING! I’m in.

If anything the person getting degraded in the video is the person watching it. There was a time where we laughed at these guys. We knew they were no longer living in the projects starving but their songs said they were. Some of those songs never gave much hope for a better life, but I don’t know if that’s better than the modern take of, “Get things so people see you’re rich!” Anyway, I could go on to talk about music, but everyone will always think older is better until they die off. One day some 25 year old will say, “Music is terrible today, remember when we had Skrillex and Macklemore!? THAT was good music!” So for now enjoy something for everyone…well not the sensitive, but everyone else!

Macklemore & Ryan Lewis Feat. Wanz \"Thrift Shop\"

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I actually feel kind of bad writing this one. The reason I feel bad is because JESSE is having a great week! He was just named RAW Artists host of the month, he gets to be on the show with me and LV AAANNNDD he got REALLY excited when they played Mambo #5 at his work. JESSE is doing a lot, part of what he’s doing is thinking about proposing. As you heard on this week’s show JESSE wants to propose but wants it to be a big digital online spectacle, but he also wants to be a hipster.

That’s where this blog post comes in. I feel bad doing it (not really), but I have to show you videos of guys not only doing it better than JESSE thought, doing it how I thought of doing it, doing it how JESSE should do it, AND getting it to go viral. So here it is kids. JESSE’s hipster nemisis’.

Man Proposes to Wife Using The Knot

Guy Uses Memes to Propose