It seems about once or twice a year the news comes on and tells you something is bad for you, then good for you; cause you nothing but trouble, cause you immense joy. The most frequent ones have been seen so many times it’s almost a joke now. There’s no more mention of how coffee is terrible for you but also will be the only thing that helps you lose weight and live forever. There’s no more stories about gas prices getting to the point where it costs people their lives, and that new efforts by the government are bringing the price down. Wine will destroy your liver, it will clean your heart. Most of the time I don’t care too much about it, but now they’ve gone too far. Now they’re recommending women stop wearing bras!!

I have no idea what it feels like to wear a bra, and though my chesticles are larger than a lot of my friends with A cups, I’m not going to find out anytime soon. It seems horrible. The big boobed girls complain that there aren’t bras big enough to hold them in, the straps hurt if you wear it too long and the bottom pushes into your skin. The girls who belong to the itty bitty titty committee complain that it’s uncomfortable, the padding shows hardcore on certain shirts and most often from this group I hear, “It’s not even necessary.”

Well, there are some scientists that say you’re right. They have conducted a study (that I want to be a part of) that says women who don’t wear a bra “strengthen the muscles around the breast to better hold them up.” They say it’s not an option for the legal aged ladies but if you start early, you can be free and have them stay up top. HORSE-SHIT! Let’s say we truly believe you skeevy scientist who obviously wasn’t just a nympho who got caught with his assistant and lied to his wife “uh…it’s an experiment honey!!”

If going without a bra worked, I would have had a MUCH better time looking at those “African Life” issues of National Geographic. There was no intense study needed for this. We can look back at how women’s breasts used to be before bras were invented, or look at regions of the world that still don’t use them. I’m not saying, “Every woman needs to wear a bra at all times!” but if you don’t, you can’t complain about the sag, and what do we associate sag with? Age. So look older with comfortable shoulders. Those big O’titties will still be there to cause your back pain. Oh, and as for you A cups that think you can go forever without wearing a bra, it just takes you longer. Look at an A cup woman in her 50’s who still must go braless. I didn’t know pancake batter could stretch that far.

I was single for a lot of my life. I always had the ideas of how I would be in a relationship. I told my friends that the hurtles they faced would not be the same ones I did. They had to deal with insecurities, jealousy, self doubt, self censorship, and slowly revealing their true selves to their partner. I always said I would be confident, do whatever I want and still maintain a healthy relationship…I was right again!

I don’t have to worry about insecurity, I know she chose me. My girlfriend has the opportunity to be with someone else or even alone and she chooses to put up with my BS?! Well then there’s no need to worry! As for jealousy? I’m the guy who had a girl cheat on him with, “just a friend” and I still will let my girl hang out with whomever she pleases. The decision to let your partner hang out with someone is easy; They’ll find a way to cheat or they’ll find a way to avoid it. All you’re doing is bitching enough to remind them they might not want to put up with you. Plus don’t forget, someone wants to be with YOU too! That means someone ELSE might want to be with you too. If the relationship has to end, then you’ve got a shot at starting over.

Self censorship, I mean, do I really have to say how I feel about this!? I’ll talk about anything in front of most anyone as long as they’re not offended (And sometimes even if they are). I start saying what I want to early. This has a two pronged effect. 1) They never have to reminisce about how “you used to be…” or how “you’ve changed” All you’re doing is getting to the part of the relationship where you can burp and fart and be completely comfortable with the other person. 2) Doing whatever you want early sets the borders of “acceptable behavior” WAY out there. If you don’t go off with your friends every once in a while because “I just want to spend time with you honey buns!” Then guess who doesn’t get to go to Vegas with the boys?

Relationships are not that hard, we make them that way. Find a person that you’ll do anything for who lets you do what you want. You’ll be happy, guaranteed or your money back!!

I hate everyone in this video. The son who think’s it’s ok to let mom call the cops, the mom who calls the cops for no actual emergency or the dad who sees trouble and walks away…Typical Scotsmen. SMH

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Last year for my birthday a buddy of mine gave me a watch. It was apparently a really great brand and was “supposed to be” VERY expensive. I am not the kind of guy who normally gets expensive things for himself and thus I didn’t really feel I needed a watch, especially since my phone tells me what time it is. However, I did like saving my battery and the watch means something to me now so I constantly wear it. Two problems arose from the watch; I have an idea of how much it cost and it has now broken 3 times.

I don’t really think there is much harm in knowing how much the watch cost, but when I’m giving a present, I like to play that detail as close to the vest as possible. The problem came when my buddy was telling me about his own watch. One piece of the puzzle came when he said his own watch should be about $950 but he was able to get it for $95. Much later in the conversation, later enough that he didn’t realize the clues he was giving me. He said, “Your watch should be about $800. Don’t worry, I didn’t pay THAT much.” Guess who knows how much his watch cost you now buddy? Knowing the price isn’t a huge problem, just a little outside the normal rules for manners when giving a gift.

The next problem came when I went swimming with it. “It’s water resistant, you’ll be fine!” my buddy said. Turns out resistant just means it will hold out for a bit, but if you go swimming for a few hours and keep going to the deep end, water will collect in your watch. Then one day, the second hand came off. No idea why. I was able to get that repaired, but because my buddy got the watch off this website, I wasn’t entitled to the lifetime warranty. I paid $20 to fix it.

Well it’s a few months later and the second hand is off again. I now need to either wear a watch that doesn’t work, or deal with a slight tan line around my wrist. I can also buy a new watch just in case this one breaks and to mix and match, but I would probably go to the same cheap website again and have the same quality of product again. I probably will do that as I did like the watch and I have a new urge for a good watch, but for tomorrow? I’ll just have a white reminder that I need to go to the repair shop after work.

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I have a lot of my friends come to me with their problems. They even sometimes come to me with problems they’re having in the bedroom. The most common of these problems is a misunderstanding of what the other person wants. There is a bit of a distinction between what a man prefers in bed and what a woman prefers in bed. Most of the time, women have all the power and don’t realize it. They don’t understand that what we want above all else is them. What men don’t understand is, above all else, a woman usually just wants to make the guy happy.

For men, it’s simple. Let us have you. The more you let us have, the more we want until we’re asking for things just to try them. There is no need to do most of the things we do in bed, but we do them because, “She let me do that, what else will she let me do?” The biggest problem with sex is that it’s not intelligent at all. It’s a series of impulses and we stimulate as many of them as we can as much as we can as fast as we can. Women do not need to learn the tricks to get a guy off or to make him happy in bed. He’ll try what will make him happy until you tell him to stop. Then he’ll try and convince you to “just try it”. There is no secret women, if you want to please your man just keep doing what you’re doing. He’s with you for a reason. Men have a very universal sexual appetite. What worked with the last guy will probably work with this guy.

For women, it’s a little more complicated. What worked with the last girl might not work with this girl. It’s also possible that what doesn’t work now will work later, just don’t get your hopes up. You have to figure out what kind of stimulation she likes and never get into a routine. You can’t know that she likes her neck bitten, then her boobs nibbled, then her pussy eaten, then fucked and put that into a cycle like a floor routine at the Olympics. Move around, change it up, skip steps entirely. If the women knows exactly what you’re going to do next, you’re boring. A good rule of thumb I’ve found, go to the spot that makes her make the most noise and shuffle that into your route to the finish line like you would a deck of cards. She should have no idea when you’re going to do it and that in itself will be exciting.

Another VERY common mistake I see is with lingerie. Please know these two truths; Women, it is not THAT important what you’re wearing before things start happening. Guys, it’s incredibly important she feels great about herself and sexy before you get down with the get down. Lastly, please know these things.

1) Women, you have the power and we have to listen to you. You’re in charge
2) Men, women like the guy to take charge, you need to KNOW what to do, not ask her in the middle of things.

I’m not a big fan of major fast food chains in general. I will eat something if others want to eat there too, but for the most part I’m choosing a mom and pop burger joint or a soul food place for chicken. Most good places for Mexican food don’t have a drive through and their tacos don’t have hard shells, and the topic of Weinershnitzel only comes up when I need to induce diarrhea. Pizza kind of falls into this category too, I won’t order from a big chain because their pizza is usually terrible. However, even when forced to partake in these crapshoots there is a hierarchy to what I’m willing to settle for when we have no other options because everything else is closed

1) Subway – I don’t consider this fast food, but many people do. They have more locations now than McDs AND this is one of the few places you can have some actual veggies. Plus, if you know where to look, you can find a 24 hour one

2) McDonald’s – Locations are great, but you lose points for creating food that DOESN’T biodegrade.

3) Carl’s Jr. – You lose points for location, plus I can never get anything small there. Not to mention the fact that your fries ALWAYS taste like they were made for a customer much earlier than I

4) Taco Bell – Giving me guaranteed mudbutt (different from diarrhea) can be forgiven when you put some sour cream on that mess

5) Burger King/Wendy’s – You find me one that’s open past midnight and close by, we can do this

6) Del Taco – If I’m agreeing to Del Taco, I MUST be drunk! However, if I only agreed to eat your fries and maybe a quesadilla…well, I just went along for the ride.

7) Jack In The Box – I’m never drunk enough, or in desperate enough need for Jack while there is something better close by. The only reason I even allowed Jack to be on this list, is because their commercials are much more appealing than their food.

Well, that’s my list. Other restaurants may be in question, but as far as drive through and quick after midnight, this is what I have. Now let’s all get drunk and get some hard shell Del Taco Tacos with cheddar and crinkle cut fries!! You’re buying.