Here’s another recommendation; A YouTube series that is written well and interesting, plus it has cool graphics and guns!

Today I discovered a new more satisfying, and less illegal, way to get back at people who park way too far over the line. This is a problem especially in any parking lot where the spaces are labeled compact. I personally like to park my car in these tiny spaces because I can fit since my car is not wide and I hope these people come back to their cars to find their plan ruined.

The original method for my revenge was to just park next to them and open my door with as much force as I could. I don’t drive a nice car and I have never had a new paint job, but you can be sure that I’ve parked next to my share of Mercedes that DID have perfect paint. The problem with this method is that every door comes with that little rubber or metal guard now which makes it near impossible to “accidentally” ding someone’s car.

The next method was…well, for lack of a better word, “Vandalism”. Now don’t get me wrong, when someone carves their gang into a toilet seat or leaves their bands sticker in the hallway at the movies I don’t condone that. BUT if a new escalade decided he was going to give himself plenty of room to get out but nearly swipe your mirror off, well then I have on occasion written my initials in someone’s car or scratched a long line. The downside here? What being illegal wasn’t enough for you!?!?

The newest method is the least likely to get you in trouble. This is my catch and release trap for assholes. Another problem with the above methods is I don’t know if they work. If the person gets back to their car after I leave, they don’t know I parked too close. If the person doesn’t go to the passenger side of their car and doesn’t see a scratch for months, I won’t get credit. That’s why my new plan is designed to affect a driver as soon as they go to pull out of their parking space. I push their mirror in on the top left corner! This way the person sees something is wrong with their car right away. If we all band together and do this often enough, we can end asshole parking in our lifetime. So join me! Push those mirrors in! And don’t stop until they’re looking at the sky above your car!!

It’s April Fool’s Day!! A day that originally started when they changed the beginning of the year from April 1st to Jan 1st. Today, it’s blossomed into so much more! People don’t celebrate it as much as I would like them to. It doesn’t have the alcoholism of St. Patrick’s Day, Cinco De Mayo and New Years, the sex appeal of Mardi Gras and Halloween or the economy boosting of Christmas. However, this holiday SHOULD be celebrated!
We all remember years ago when YouTube pulled the (arguably) biggest prank ever by inventing the Rick Roll. Another good prank was Burger King announcing they were making a burger for left-handed people. My favorite standards are where my female friends convince their parents or boyfriends that they’re expecting. Hopefully soon we’ll have more people celebrating this great holiday that shouldn’t send anyone to jail, the poor house, or a free clinic! Here are a few ideas of pranks you can pull on your own. And please let us know if you have any other pranks using #EJTalkback

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There’s a difference in the American dream that I’ve seen coming for a while. It used to be that people wanted to work hard, make money and use the last couple of years of your life to relax and be happy. Over the years I saw that dream diminish to the point where it became, “Get money”. People don’t want to WORK, that’s for suckers. They want to get rich and famous. Since we didn’t have that many celebrities, that seemed difficult; but now, go on a reality TV show once and make money on “personal appearances” for years.
Now this may sound a little hypocritical coming from the guy who wants you to read his blog, listen to his show and buy his shirts. However, I actually want to DO something for the world. I want to make it a better place! I hope that enough people hear me and do good in the world because of me. My dream never actually involves the resting part. I want to do ERNIEandJESSE for as long as I can because it’s fun and feels awesome to have fans. I work at this even though it doesn’t make me any money and that’s much more satisfying than spending all day watching trash TV while cashing in my foodstamps.
The video below is the greatest example of an American dream for an immigrant. Work hard, start a business and get paid…well, in this guy’s case he won the lotto, BUT STILL!!

I think it’s great that we have come to a point in the world where we’re taking advantage of companies and their advertising dollars. I go to a spot I enjoy, I buy whatever product is my favorite and I make sure I have them stamp, swipe, or type in my special card number that gives me benefits. It’s a loyalty program and it helps me get deals and helps the business keep customers or share my spending habits with the people at corporate.

Today, I went to get my mom’s car washed as a nice gesture and I remembered a little too late that this carwash place has a rewards program. Buy 11 car washes and get 1 free. I had a filled out ticket but didn’t ask for the right wash, I guess I’ll just use that on my own car another day. I got a new card with a fresh stamp on it and realized this was the reason I instinctively went to THIS specific car wash instead of the other two in my neighborhood. It wasn’t because of the price (I never pay attention so I don’t know who’s cheaper) or the location (they’re both about 2 min from my house), it was because of the rewards card I had in my pocket.

My dentist is offering a similar package, if I recommend a new client I get free movie tickets, for every visit I have, I log onto their website and get perks like a free toothbrush or floss. I genuinely like my dentist, but for some free movie tickets, I’m more apt to make a suggestion that someone switch. This particular loyalty program has two results. Not only do I get a sense of loyalty towards my dentist because she’s giving me free stuff and all my friends are going there, but it makes something most people find uncomfortable (dentist appointments) something to look forward to.

Then there are the hoards of retailers that give me a deal if I’m a member of their “special club”. Sale prices, free ice cream etc. all because they want to know how a mid 20’s Hispanic male spends his expendable income. This is my favorite mode of deal making. One where everyone wins. They get data and know how to market their products and I get a free burger on my birthday. There are people who don’t like this one. They say, “Why do I want them knowing about my purchases?!” I just laugh it off, because I could care less that Red Robin knows I only go to them once a year, or that CVS knows which brand of hair product I use. The only thing they need to know is if they put the hair stuff farther away from the deodorant, I’m more likely to pass by an isle I didn’t need to be on impulse buying something because it will make my car smell better or is covered in chocolate.