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@vtp9 :: Why don’t you ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”?

@JFreshReed :: No job, no girlfriend, new @MK_MortalKombat game, and episode of #ERNIEandJESSE.com… didnt get anything done today #ratethattweet

@Team_Silva :: Was in line, and there was a married couple taking wedding shots at #TitosTacos http://t.co/CWap89y

@JulieRasmussen :: The Tooth Fairy teaches us to sell our body parts for money.

@JulieRasmussen :: When people ask me if I’m working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with my pen & ask if they’re hurting hard or hardly hurting..

@FuckUrTimeline :: Lemme get 2 grey gooses. Wait. Lemme get 2 grey geese. That ain’t right either. Fuck it. Just get me a flock of vodka.

@heathernicol89 :: Dear blue jean company, i’m very aware that i am short. Must you remind me by putting “petite” on labels? screw you, Heather #RateThatTweet

@spybite :: HAKUNA MATATA, it means no worries for the rest of ur days…

@ClintonSparks :: What are u suppose to dream about if your dreams come true?? #ilovemylife

@cheekydrena :: It actually hurt to admit how old I was today…. Is 23 too old to start lying about your age?

@beautiifulkb24 :: I swear I HATE snakes… But I Frikin LOVE THE #BLACKMAMBA 

@wendycarrillo :: OMFG!!! WHY?!!! #AC360 had first on-camera intvw w/frmr Hawaii Health Dir who saw orig #Obama birth cert. http://on.cnn.com/hkUDYS

@votolatino :: Did you know that 30% of American #latinos live in #poverty? #truestory, join #VLchat today 4pm pst w/ @greenforall for more info #LATISM

@PaulyPeligroso :: Taco Bell meat is the Russian spy of foods. Because it’s not what you think it is and, once it’s on the inside, its goal is to murder you.

@estherjcepeda :: @wendycarrillo @latinopolitics yes, that’s still the US govt’s official terminology as well as the AP style, which the WaPo goes by.

Have a tweet to rate? Have you read a funny, hilarious, or stupid tweet by a friend or celebrity?? Leave a comment with the tweet and we could rate it on the next episode!!!

@Team_Silva :: Shoutout to the podcast crew, have a great show. Check them out at http://ErnieandJesse.com & #iTunes

@TedStryker :: Dear Stryker,YOU LEFT UR TWITTER account OPEN again.It’s getting harder & harder to resist f**king with you, BUT, I won’t. Love, @Nicole1067

@JulieRasmussen :: Today marks my 5 year anniversary of I don’t give a sh*t…

@jesseFdaniels :: Oh, and in case u didn’t know… It’s Friday!!! #JUSTincase #RateThatMotherEffinTweet !!!

@PaulineChris :: @jesseFdaniels & @djfrankdizzle I’m glad u two loved my last Tweet about the smack with the extra k’s. Is this going to be a #RATETHATTWEET

@PaulineChris :: #FRANKSLAP = ROOMMATE. Bitch go to sleep!!! *SMACKKKKKKKKKKKKK* http://ERNIEANDJESSE.COM

@heathernicol89 :: “There are.only two reasons to date a girl you have already dated. Breast. implants.”-Barney Stinson #Ratethattweet WWW.ErnieandJesse.com

@spybite :: Let’s add a picture to me LEMONADE tweet. http://plixi.com/p/92200436

@MEanErnie :: @spybite you have earned an unfollow. 15 tweets within an hour (at least)? Not on my timeline #RateThatTweet #onblast http://t.co/VXSjaFe

@spybite :: Kanye..singing…

@spybite :: MUFASA!

@spybite :: mamasay mamamsay ….

@spybite :: ma ma cu sa.

@spybite :: Ima sing this to my momma on mothers day.

@vtp9 :: Don’t walk in front of me, I might not follow Don’t walk behind me, I might not lead. Walk beside me, & share your coffee or let me sleep…

@nessavanessaa :: ever have one of those days where your middle finger answers E V E R Y T H I N G? (:

@MikeSchism :: You know what’s funny? paintings of adam & eve where they both have belly buttons. think about that, take as much time as you need

@ThePushParty :: So this naked girl just fell on the floor as she was climbing into my bed. 5 second rule?

@jesseFdaniels :: I want to pull the Fire Alarm so bad each time I walk by it… #justcuz (almost) #IllegalTweet

@Sanchez1st :: #IWouldTrade my BlackBerry for a iPhone.

@cheekydrena :: Arkansas is the home of the mullet people. Its all “business in front, party in back”. #fact #insanetravelog #needsleep. #toomuchcaffiene

@KruellaInRed :: Sometimes I wish life was like a DVR, So I can pause for a second…. Did that really just happen?

@DamnItsTrue :: Rock, Paper, Scissors is the absolute solution to fair decision. #DamnItsTrue

@djfrankdizzle :: How convenient that the coupon for Visine expires on 4-20 lol http://plixi.com/p/93836386

Have a tweet to rate? Have you read a funny, hilarious, or stupid tweet by a friend or celebrity?? Leave a comment with the tweet and we could rate it on the next episode!!!

@calipsothegreat :: #bestMommentOfMyLife finally accepting that I’m not perfect and never will be

@JulieRasmussen :: I didn’t want a hangover, but I suuuure spent a lot of money to get one. #Vodka

@JulieRasmussen :: I am not cranky, I just have a violent reaction to stupid people.

@JulieRasmussen :: When life gives Lady Gaga lemons, she makes a dress out of them.

@JulieRasmussen :: IRS.gov just invited me to play Formville.

@JulieRasmussen :: Every time I see an abandoned shoe on the highway it makes me sad that I’ve never partied that hard.

@jesseFdaniels :: Welcome to the future where Cures are Expected not wished for, Information is Gold, and Thoughts exist only in 140 characters or less #Enjoy

@spybite :: worst pick up line yet: “Girl I want to be like Asthma and take your breath away.”

@ILWUGRL28 :: Today was a very productive day…totally awesome!! Like the 80s!

@vtp9 :: believes too many people have “cranial-rectitis” at work. google it.

@TimJustTyped :: Imagine being a bounce castle proprietor who defaults on his mortgage and must live in his bounce castle. Imagine how awesome that would be.

@jesseFdaniels :: Just read thru 6 hours of tweets..I’m tired now.. #RateThatTweet (but I still wanna know what was tweeted before those… #ModernDayDilemma)

@MitchDeGuzman :: It bothers me that @KimKardashian & @justinbieber have just as much followers as @BarackObama and the @DalaiLama has way less. #dumbsociety

@EL_AY :: Is gasoline serious right now! Almost $5 a gallon? Foreals tho, I’m about to cut a hole on the bottom of my car and Flintstones that shit

@TuckerMax :: To Women: We don’t give a fuck about your shoes. We care about your body. Go to the gym, not the mall. From: All straight men

@terminill :: You don’t have ten thousand followers cause youre insightful. You have a picture of your tits or your ass on your avatar.

@djfrankdizzle :: If you don’t know, now you know.. Shut your mouth and walk your bike!

@payback321 :: “If real recognize real, then I know you see your hustle in me.” ~ Payback

Have a tweet to rate? Have you read a funny, hilarious, or stupid tweet by a friend or celebrity?? Leave a comment with the tweet and we could rate it on the next episode!!!

@jesseFdaniels :: its not a good sign when u run out of chaser/mixer..#holdingNothingButTheBottleInYourHandAndTakingShotsLikeUrDrinkingWater

@50cent :: I think I’m high

@vtp9 :: …Life doesn’t give me lemons anymore. Not after what happened last time.

@RonnieJrMedia :: This week has flown by, Wednesday already, bring it on Baby !!!! What Up @JesseFDaniels @MeanErnie @PaulineChris – Have a Great Podcast

@justmartindale :: I bet Mumford and Sons smell like soap on a rope and old licorice.#thinkaboutit

@Team_Silva :: U win again Tommys, ordering next 2 a crackhead was interesting though http://t.co/80Mz6fn http://t.co/cLwRUw2

@aplusk :: Who would win in if @BenFranklin2012 ran against @Christ4Pres2012 ? #ideajam

@MTVTJ :: Yesss! Teen Mom 2 Reunion tonight!

@vtp9 :: Whenever your having a bad day, remember you could have been swallowed.

@JulieRasmussen :: Today I found $40 in my jeans. The kid in me says “Buy dart guns and candy”, but the adult in me says “Buy vodka, dart guns and candy”.

@jesseFdaniels :: There has to be a list of “Best Feelings in the World” out there. #RateThatTweet

@spybite :: I want something!!! But at the moment I don’t know what it is! #random

@spybite :: I miss that first kiss feeling

@EthanNewberry :: Does anyone really know what Fergie is made out of?

@iamwill :: We won a kid choice award… http://yfrog.com/gz4ktiuj

@KimKardashian :: OMMMGGGGG I hit over 7 million followers! Seriously guys! U mean the world to me!!! I truly appreciate each and everyone of you!!!

@themarcyminute :: Help!!! I need all my Twitter friends to send me a pic of their bedroom for a fun segment! Send to marcythematchmaker@gmail.com

Have a tweet to rate? Have you read a funny, hilarious, or stupid tweet by a friend or celebrity?? Leave a comment with the tweet and we could rate it on the next episode!!!

@JFreshReed :: Just remembered I had a dream last nite I was a Ninja Turtle!!! It was awesome… COWABUNGA!!! #ratethattweet http://t.co/J31Gfy8

@MEeanErnie :: I like my coffee like I like my women, hot, brown and with a little bit of sugar http://t.co/VXSjaFe http://t.co/p5o1YGD

@PaulineChris :: I <3 the part in Zombieland they destroy the store I wish I could do that in real life and not get in trouble that would be so much FUN!!! @Team_Silva :: Can’t make Saturday, so representing Team Ernie at work today. Props @MeanErnie & @jessefdaniels http://t.co/KHB4pO7

@RonnieJrMedia :: I have realized that the “5 Second Rule” doesn’t really apply to Chewing Gum…. Once it hits the ground, it better hit the trash, huh

@jesseFdaniels :: Nothin like the smell of alley dogs & sounds of hardcore techno beats to wake u up in the morning..

@spybite :: i just yelled this out in the study room: “I’m gonna write this paper! finish it! then go masterbate!” haha i love when I freak people out

@Dirt_Nasty :: When meeting a woman I give her secret handshake to hint at sex. I tickle her palm with my middle finger then ram my dick in her vagina.

Have a tweet to rate? Have you read a funny, hilarious, or stupid tweet by a friend or celebrity?? Leave a comment with the tweet and we could rate it on the next episode!!!

-The Tweets on this episode were too incoherent to process. Thank you for listening.-

Have a tweet to rate? Have you read a funny, hilarious, or stupid tweet by a friend or celebrity?? Leave a comment with the tweet and we could rate it on the next episode!!!