@VH1iNFO :: That awkward moment when “Born This Way” comes on in the plastic surgeon’s office.

@getoffendedcom :: Women masturbating w/produce saddens me. That’s why my old dildos go to “Toys for Twats” where they’re redistributed to the less fortunate.

@annetharvey :: still hilarious… had to google bing

@JulieRasmussen :: I bought a box of animal crackers, it said on it “Do not eat if seal is broken.” I opened the box, and sure enough…. #SealCrumbs

@themarcyminute :: Me & @gerardpanahon r bringin’ it tomorrow night! @PaulineChris @jessefdaniels @meanernie U BEST B READY! http://ERNIEANDJESSE.COM

@themarcyminute :: Heaven is so amazing!!!!!! Twitter works here!! Will keep u posted! 😉

@Team_Silva :: Be stylin for the next #Rapture by buying a Team Ernie shirt at http://t.co/njTLuyY #RateThatTweet

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@madshrinkage :: Do blind people close their eyes when they pray?

@cheekydrena :: One day no one will remember “pound” it will only be known as “hashtag”

@jesseFdaniels :: god is science. dont know y there r so many wars fought over the perception of this 1st thing when every1 accepts that there was a 1st thing

@jesseFdaniels :: In college if the teacher didnt show up in 15min class was canceled. At work if the network server is down more than 15min we should go home

@TedStryker :: I don’t get the lady in the prius next to me w/ giant sunglasses on. U are smoking up a storm.Saving the environment, polluting your body?

@laurendawesome :: A question mark is exactly the shape of the object I’ll use to stab you with when you text me a lone question mark.

@EddieRMurphy :: “Party like a rockstar” isn’t acceptable anymore. U party like Charlie Sheen, or u dont party at all.

@cheekydrena :: just got excited buying OJ. Its on 2 for $4 and now I have something to mix w tequila. Rock Bottom looks like a juice aisle. #ratethattweet

Have a tweet to rate? Have you read a funny, hilarious, or stupid tweet by a friend or celebrity?? Leave a comment with the tweet and we could rate it on the next episode!!!

@matthewcarney :: The new, chic, term for fat people is “Foodies.” And my Uncle Mike doesn’t have a gambling problem, he’s just a “Horsie.”

@heathernicol89 :: i get so aggravated when i have kickass things to tweet about but cant due to the 140 character limit. DAMN YOU TWITTER #ratethattweet

@JulieRasmussen :: I feel like my entire generation can be summed up in six words from a Nirvana song: Here We Are Now, Entertain Us.

@JulieRasmussen :: Wouldn’t it be ironic if you died by choking on a Lifesaver…

@cheekydrena :: Mmmmmacccc and cheeeese. It so much better with sour cream. #poorkidsunite!

@jesseFdaniels :: The little pathway I’m on isn’t on Google Maps.. I feel like a Secret Agent!

@DirtNasty :: “Excuse me miss,would you mind putting some of that suntan oil on my penis back & forth for 30 minutes?”…summertime pick up line.

@SethMacFarlane :: Dear public restrooms: A toilet paper dispenser should turn loosely. Nobody wants to wipe their ass with a handful of confetti.

@vtp9 :: Just remember to live by the 3 F’s, if your not Fucking me Feeding me or Financing me your opinions really dont matter! #IMHO #RateThatTweet

@DirtNasty :: This black dude from the Geek Squad just came over and farted while fixing my computer.Tooted it and rebooted it.

@jessefdaniels :: Wow, so much done by 5am…. I feel like @BarackObama or should that be @KimKardashian

@gordonshumway :: Teach a man to fish and he’ll eat for a day. Frame a man for murder and he’ll eat for 25 to life.

@SethMacFarlane :: Just spilled coffee, got a parking ticket and misplaced my cell phone. Thought Osama’s death would put an end to all that shit.

@JFreshReed :: I feel like “Twittah” (#ERNIEandJESSE sound bite) is just a challenge board for most entertaining thoughts… I need another good one

Have a tweet to rate? Have you read a funny, hilarious, or stupid tweet by a friend or celebrity?? Leave a comment with the tweet and we could rate it on the next episode!!!